Surviving The Twelve Dates Of Christmas

Its the film crossover event that couples have dreamed about for years. In theaters this Christmas, a holiday rom-com that when you meet-cute, you die-cute. Its the perfect date film, with something for everyone.

Another Christmas Meet-Cute Goes Awry

The Plot

12 lonely single women make a pact to find love by Christmas. As each one meets their perfect man, they are immediately involved in a horrific accident. Is it Christmas magic? A curse? Or something far more sinister?

Each accident seems to follow a pattern relating to the Christmas song, The Twelve Days Of Christmas.

On the first day, Angie meets her soulmate, Doug, while she is at her grandfather's Christmas tree farm. As they stroll through the farm, they come to a place where some really big trees are being cut for corporate clients. Their movement startles a covey of partridges which fly to one of the recently cut trees. The sudden addition of their weight causes the tree to come crashing down on top of our couple.

Angie and Doug Find Love Among The Trees

On the third day, Grace is at the family chicken farm helping her parents. Prince Albert, of some obscure European nation, takes a tour of the farm. Grace and the prince immediately sense a connection, and start imagining life with each other. Grace gives him a tour of the hen house, when suddenly all the birds attack and peck them mercilessly.

Grace, And the Angry Birds

On the eighth day, a journalist named Kim, visits Luke's dairy farm. She is doing a story on milk production in the state. Throughout the tour it is obvious that there is chemistry between the two. The crew decides to get some shots outside leaving Kim and Luke alone in the dairy barn. In a chain of events that would impress Rube Goldberg, our lovers become victims of the milking equipment.

A Happy Moment Alone For Kim And Luke

The tenth day gets really interesting. Michele is drugged while out partying and awakens in a foreign country where 10 lords fight over her. Who will win? Will she fall in love, or will there be more violence?

Michele Watching The Lords

On the twelfth day, our last ingenue thinks she has found love when she is asked to be a part of a holiday parade. Instead, its a violent protest, including a deadly drumline. Will she survive the trampling and find love?

Kelly Before The Rampage Begins

The Cast

The producers originally set out to cast a very diverse group, including the very best rom-com talent on the planet. A literal whose who of young talent was approached: Autumn Reeser, Candace Cameron Bure, Danica McKellar, Dove Cameron, Emily Kinney, Katrina Norman, Lacey Chabert, Jen Lilley, Jillian Murray, Laura Marano, Mallory Jansen, Mikaela Hoover, Minka Kelly, Monica Barbaro, Poppy Drayton, Rachael Leigh Cook, Rachel Bilson, Samaire Armstrong, Summer Glau, Taylor Cole, Victoria Justice, and Zoey Deutch.

But every actor inexplicably was working on other projects. It was the same story for all five men who appear in 90% of rom-coms. They all had conflicts and could not commit to this project. It looked like the film was DOA. And yet it was decided to just hire some Canadians - they will do anything for a buck!

The Controversy

The film certainly had its fair share of challenges. One of the producers demanded that they put more women in the film, and make them lame. It was explained that more than half the cast were already women, but to appease her demands, a disabled female character was added. After the first screening, and the overwhelming negative feedback to seeing a disabled woman mauled on screen, the part was eliminated.

The Surprise

Select streaming partners will release an interactive version, allowing the audience to select which couple survives and finds love, and those that do not. There will be literally dozens of possibilities totally in the control of the viewer. 

We listened to rom-com and slasher fans and the one consistent complaint was that the movie never ended the way they wanted it to end. Now they will have the ability to control the ending.

The Press

The feedback for the film as been phenomenal. Just take a look at the favorable press thus far.

Never in my 60 years as a film critic have I watched a film like this!

Neal Pearson, Movie Talk 365 

This is one movie that I am glad is lacking diversity!

Evelyn Madden, DEI In Film

I can't believe I kept my dinner down for all 90 minutes!

Billy Masterson, Dallas Times Herald

This is EXACTLY what the holiday season needed! Four stars!

Greg Holbrook, Daily Freak

 

You will LAUGH. You will CRY. You will KISS ten bucks goodbye!

DON'T MISS THIS FILM!

If your local theater is not showing it, demand they do. This is sure to be a holiday favorite for decades!

Christmas Movies 2021

Christmas movies are awesome. One of my favorites, It's A Wonderful Life, is likely the best known, and best loved Christmas movies of all time. Its the story of George Bailey, who thinks that he is a failure in life. Clarence, his guardian angel, arrives to stop him from killing himself, by showing him what life would be like in Bedford Falls without him. If by the end of the film you have not shed any tears, you are not human.

 

Christmas movies have evolved quite a bit since 1946. Hallmark, who built their empire on holiday gifts, especially greeting cards, is now a leader in the production of Christmas movies. But by no means are they alone. There are others that might not be familiar, like Great American Family (GAF), run by former Hallmark executives. And of course plenty that are household names, like Netflix, OWN, ION, Fox Nation, and CBS.

 

Hallmark started with just a few movies each season and now has a massive inventory of options. But this year they are really swinging for the fences, with over 41 new titles. They aren't the only ones. Of everything announced, there are 127 Christmas movies coming to your TV this season. And Hallmark has already started their countdown to Christmas.

 

To the right is a gif of the adorable Laura Marano as Kat in A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish (2019). This film reimagines the Cinderella story at Christmas, with Kat as an abused stepdaughter who is doing her best to reach 18 and enjoy the freedom that her trust fund might provide. But her stepmother is determined to make her suffer every moment until then. This is much more representative of the Holiday films today. Not only do they remove Christ from Christmas, they take away anything remotely related to the birth of Jesus, or faith in the Word. Instead, its "Christmas magic" or "Santa Clause" or just your basic seasonal rom-com like the above. Rare indeed is the film that honors the Lord. 

Hallmark in the past featured an almost exclusive Canadian cast, with a handful of Americans tossed in for familiarity. But now, diversity reigns supreme with talent from all over the planet.

On a sad note, I did not see any films featuring Autumn Reeser, Samaire Armstrong, Kristy Swanson, or Katrina Norman. All are missing from Christmas movies this season. I've searched all over, consulted IMDB, but apparently its just not their year. And that makes me sad.

So what HOLIDAY films can we expect this year? Hit the links below for the complete schedule.

Hallmark 30 Countdown to Christmas 2021

UP TV 2021 Christmas Lineup

GAC Family Christmas Movie Schedule for 2021

Lifetime Christmas Movie Schedule for 2021

Holiday Movies and TV Shows Coming to Netflix in 2021

Combined Schedules

All the New Christmas Movies Coming to Hallmark, Lifetime, Netflix, OWN, UPtv, and More 2021

A Guide to Every Holiday Movie on TV This Season: Hallmark, Lifetime, Netflix, GAC Family and More

The Ultimate Guide to 125+ Holiday Movies on Hallmark, Lifetime, Netflix and More

If you would prefer to avoid the Holiday movies, and instead read some wholesome Christian content? Check out my Christian Christmas Stories page for links to many stories, poems, and sermons.

Have a very merry Christmas!!

Office of Holiday Decorations, Activities, Music and Nutrition

Double digit unemployment, flea-bitten malcontents occupying and agitating in our major cities, $15 TRILLION in debt and growing, and on the agenda of this administration is...wait for it...

A Christmas tree tax

The Department of Agriculture has since backed off of this lunacy, for now. They claimed it was merely a fee that would be used to help promote the fresh Christmas tree growers. But do they really need a government program to advertise Christmas trees? Its not like its the biggest holiday of the year or anything. And what about the artificial tree market and the mall Santas? How long before they start demanding their piece of the pie?

Whether its billion dollar bailouts for car companies, or a $0.15 tax on Christmas tress, does any private business really need or deserve taxpayer dollars? That is OUR money and should not be wasted beyond the Constitutionally mandated functions of the Federal government. It was never the intent of our Founding Fathers to take money from one group and give it to another. That sure has changed over the years.

If the Christmas tree growers feel the need to increase their price and pool their resources to fund a national marketing campaign, I applaud them. Give me a call and I will help with their marketing efforts. Just keep the government out of it.

Let's pretend that this is a good idea. Start with a small fee that gets passed down the distribution chain until the consumer has to absorb this increase in cost. Money is tight, so maybe they skip the tree this year, or go back to the artificial one in the attic. Government is now faced with a shortfall, so the fee becomes a tax and is expanded and added to all Christmas decorations. Do you see the insanity at work here?

Having been on this planet for a few years now, I know how government corruption works. We start with a small fee. Then, we need someone to manage these funds. And of course we need bureaucrats to monitor the money to make sure it is spent "wisely" and find new ways to regulate trees and anything holiday related. The media trots out "victims" of holiday trauma sounding the alarm that something must be done...for the children. Before long, President Obama recognizes the need to regulate all holidays, so with much fanfare he creates a whole new agency:

Office of Holiday Decorations, Activities, Music and Nutrition - OH DAMN for short

Staffed with the best and the brightest of Obama's campaign contributors and loyal supporters, America is stuck with yet another bloated agency determined to out mission creep the others. And of course the Democrat party has yet another large and growing staff of loyal voters determined to keep their gravy train a chugging along. 

Naturally, American taxpayers will have to reach deep down and send in a few more dollars they don't have to keep this behemoth growing and functioning properly. How could we have a proper Winter Celebration with a beautiful Holiday Tree all decorated with OH DAMN approved ornaments and lights. And don't worry about those obnoxious carolers, OH DAMN would approve, license and monitor to make sure only OH DAMN approved Holiday Carols are performed by qualified OH DAMN licensed performers. 

The Spring Bunny would bring us only the best OH DAMN approved chocolate bunnies in our Holiday baskets and the OH DAMN approved Spring Eggs would never be hidden, so as not to disappoint the little ones.

Bobbing for apples would no longer be a terrifying ordeal. With the OH DAMN approved water level and temperature monitors, safety always comes first. Turkey, don't even think about the hassle of preparation. You will be eternally thankful such a government agency exists to ensure Turkey Day and football watching parties are a blast.

I'm not sure how we have lasted for so long without OH DAMN to save us.