Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Life After Utopia...

Well, that sucks. A secret vote on the weekend, a stroke of a pen, and freedom takes a kick to the groin. As true patriots scramble to find a way to correct this travesty, I thought a better approach would be to examine what life might be like if we applied progressive logic to all of society's ills. If the goal is "social justice" what about all these inequalities?

Thousands of pets die needlessly every day without pet insurance or guaranteed free access to a veterinarian. This is unacceptable in America. We need government-run pet care. We'll put a tax on pet food and supplies to pay for it. Yea, that's the ticket.

I once had to stay in a Red Roof Inn. In a country like America, how can anyone be forced to stay in anything less than a 3-star hotel? We need guaranteed free access to 3-star hotels for all and a hotel surtax for any 4-star or greater property to pay for it. Nobody deserves a bad night at a cheap hotel.

Airlines, where do I start? If I want to travel to a Dear Leader praise rally, why should I have to pay for an airline ticket? Air travel is a right! Its in the Constitution, I swear!

Cars? Don't get me started. Its unfair that my neighbor drives a Mercedes while a putter around in my Obama-made lawnmower. I have a right to a brand new car every year and nobody should have a newer or better model/make than me. Are you going to restrict my ability to travel? Oh, by the way, I'm not paying for it, or for any maintenance or repairs. That's the government's job. Obama even promised to put gas in my tank!

When I die, don't even think about charging me or my family for a funeral. I have a right to a decent casket, funeral service and honor guard. After a lifetime of leaching off the few remaining American taxpayers and not contributing one single penny to the economy, a 21-gun salute to honor my departure seems appropriate.


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