Saturday, November 12, 2011

Office of Holiday Decorations, Activities, Music and Nutrition

Double digit unemployment, flea-bitten malcontents occupying and agitating in our major cities, $15 TRILLION in debt and growing, and on the agenda of this administration is...wait for it...

The Department of Agriculture has since backed off of this lunacy, for now. They claimed it was merely a fee that would be used to help promote the fresh Christmas tree growers. But do they really need a government program to advertise Christmas trees? Its not like its the biggest holiday of the year or anything. And what about the artificial tree market and the mall Santas? How long before they start demanding their piece of the pie?

Whether its billion dollar bailouts for car companies, or a $0.15 tax on Christmas tress, does any private business really need or deserve taxpayer dollars? That is OUR money and should not be wasted beyond the Constitutionally mandated functions of the Federal government. It was never the intent of our Founding Fathers to take money from one group and give it to another. That sure has changed over the years.

If the Christmas tree growers feel the need to increase their price and pool their resources to fund a national marketing campaign, I applaud them. Give me a call and I will help with their marketing efforts. Just keep the government out of it.

Let's pretend that this is a good idea. Start with a small fee that gets passed down the distribution chain until the consumer has to absorb this increase in cost. Money is tight, so maybe they skip the tree this year, or go back to the artificial one in the attic. Government is now faced with a shortfall, so the fee becomes a tax and is expanded and added to all Christmas decorations. Do you see the insanity at work here?

Having been on this planet for a few years now, I know how government corruption works. We start with a small fee. Then, we need someone to manage these funds. And of course we need bureaucrats to monitor the money to make sure it is spent "wisely" and find new ways to regulate trees and anything holiday related. The media trots out "victims" of holiday trauma sounding the alarm that something must be done...for the children. Before long, President Obama recognizes the need to regulate all holidays, so with much fanfare he creates a whole new agency:

Office of Holiday Decorations, Activities, Music and Nutrition - OH DAMN for short

Staffed with the best and the brightest of Obama's campaign contributors and loyal supporters, America is stuck with yet another bloated agency determined to out mission creep the others. And of course the Democrat party has yet another large and growing staff of loyal voters determined to keep their gravy train a chugging along. 

Naturally, American taxpayers will have to reach deep down and send in a few more dollars they don't have to keep this behemoth growing and functioning properly. How could we have a proper Winter Celebration with a beautiful Holiday Tree all decorated with OH DAMN approved ornaments and lights. And don't worry about those obnoxious carolers, OH DAMN would approve, license and monitor to make sure only OH DAMN approved Holiday Carols are performed by qualified OH DAMN licensed performers. 

The Spring Bunny would bring us only the best OH DAMN approved chocolate bunnies in our Holiday baskets and the OH DAMN approved Spring Eggs would never be hidden, so as not to disappoint the little ones.

Bobbing for apples would no longer be a terrifying ordeal. With the OH DAMN approved water level and temperature monitors, safety always comes first. Turkey, don't even think about the hassle of preparation. You will be eternally thankful such a government agency exists to ensure Turkey Day and football watching parties are a blast.

I'm not sure how we have lasted for so long without OH DAMN to save us.

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