Saturday, October 10, 2009

Is It Time To Write My Autobiography?

I mean really, if that is all it takes to establish my name, earn some coin, bribe some union/ACORN types, vote "present" a view times in a state legislature, spend approximately 143 days in the Senate campaigning full time for POTUS and then win the Nobel Prize. Heck, I'm in.

My accomplishments? Well, let's see... I assisted virtually every movie studio in promoting their films in DFW. I created NHL hockey cards bringing joy to collectors everywhere. This was followed by a widely acclaimed and award winning Desert Storm trading card set - but that's not PC.

Collectors of Coca Cola, NFL and Playboy products got to purchase my handiwork. And I created IVR-based promotions and campaigns for JC Penney, Gruner & Jahr, Nokia, SBC and NRA among others. Although I probably need to avoid mentioning those pesky defenders of the 2nd Amendment.

In my free time I write Christian children's stories, read and enjoyed online by millions around the world. I have also utilized my formerly impressive athletic skills to win multiple church basketball and flag football league titles. I even managed to coach some awful 8th graders to their championship in Church basketball. But I probably should avoid mentioning Jesus, church, Christian or I will labeled a fanatic by the liberals.

I even have my long form birth certificate somewhere and I can take you to the exact hospital where I was born. My mom even kept my certificates of membership to GI Joe's Adventure Team and the Estes Model rocket club. And I bet I could find some stuff for my time in Cub Scouts too. But most of that might be too militaristic for the state run media.

I bet I could even find articles I wrote in college for the newspaper and my college transcripts. Well, the latter are impressive every other semester. The grades seemed to dip during football season - not sure what that means.

Yep, that sounds pretty impressive. I think I'm ready to make my move. And just like dear leader I will find someone to secretly write it for me. Although my life will not need nearly as much embellishment as dear leader.

Instead of a terrorist and raving mad socialist, I will select Mark Steyn if he's game. I mean he may be a little to the right for the lunatic left's taste, but he definitely has a gift when it comes to words.

Obama's priorities lie not in the Hindu Kush but in America: Why squander your presidency on trying to turn an economically moribund feudal backwater into a functioning nation state when you can turn a functioning nation state into an economically moribund feudal backwater?
Mark Steyn: Nobel tops 'SNL' for Obama joke

Yea, I think Mark will do nicely.

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